Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Guard Your Marriage

Guest blog from Ryan Cook, a good friend and high school classmate of mine. Ryan is the Executive Ministries Pastor at Grand Junction First Assembly in Grand Junction, CO. Be sure to check out his blog as he has lots of great info on there!

Recently I have been hearing a lot about divorce, adultery, cheating, immorality and so on. All over TV and billboards you sex being glamorized. Just today, a friend of mine came and talk about this messy subject of affairs and adultery that he was in the middle of.

Look at this heart wrenching, staggering stat- 65% of men and 55% of women will commit adultery by age 40. That is so sad!

I heard a message the other day about this subject and want to hit some points and add some of my own to it.

5 Ways to wreck your marriage -

Neglect your marriage

  • Start w/ yourself and your body
  • Give majority of energy to something else besides your marriage
  • No relational intimacy- no sex- if so, by all means, make it boring and as predictable as you possibly can

Enjoy common interests & form an emotional bond w/ someone else besides your spouse

  • Projects at work, co-ed sports, training at the gym
  • Try to relate to them and tell them things about your spouse you don’t like

Anticipate your time together w/ another

  • Extra cologne/perfume, make excuses to leave the house

Flirt w/ others

  • Email, FB and text them
  • Make sure you delete all communication between you 2 so spouse doesn’t find out
  • Leave notes, touch, joke w/ one another

Make excuses and rationalize your actions

  • Lie and deceive your spouse

By all means, God wants you to be happy!

Now that I have your attention, lets talk about this subject!

People never intend to commit adultery, it happens subtly.

Do whatever it takes to radically reduce and remove the risks.

God’s line w/ adultery isn’t just the act of, we think “well, we are friends, we haven’t crossed the sex line yet” but God’s line starts w/ our eyes, heart and mind. Check out Matt 5:28.

Guard your heart, eyes and mind.

Listen, if you kept a video log w/ all your interactions w/ other people through out the day, whether same or opposite sex and showed it to your spouse, would you be proud of how you behaved?

If emails, FB, and texts were fair game and you didn’t delete them, would you be able to say you treated others w/ integrity and not be ashamed of what they saw? Or would you say YIKES, I wouldn’t want them to see how I gave this other person so much attention, or when I got w/ my buddies/girlfriends, how we talked about others of the opposite sex.

5 ways to help your relationship w/ your spouse -

Keep a growing relationship w/ Christ. When you neglect your relationship w/ Christ, things go downhill.

Never be alone w/ the wrong people. Who ever that may be, same or opposite sex. What’s the appearance seem to be?

Never talk badly about your marriage w/ the wrong people. Find another married couple to talk to.

Surround yourself w/ strong marriages.

Avoid all inappropriate place and situations. Ex old flames looking you up on fb or texting- don’t let it happen. Don’t put yourself or your spouse in that situation.

Avoid ALL appearance of evil.

If you have a job that puts you in bad situations, then quit. It’s easier to find another job than another father or mother to your children. True-life example- I have a buddy that got a job. I mentioned my concerns, he started anyways. The first day of training he went home, talked to his wife about it, listened to his wife’s views, went back and quit the job. He didn’t want to be put in any situation that could possibly lead to something else. Was he weak? HECK NO, he was avoiding the situation, guarding himself, and heeding the advice of his wife. Smart man and I respect him for that move!

Do what it takes to invest in your own marriage. When the grass looks greener on the other side, it’s time to water your own yard!

Your marriage takes work. After going on 18 years, I think Renee and I’s marriage is stronger now than it’s ever been. Why? Because we have been working on it for a while. It just doesn’t happen. We have open talks about things and situations in our lives.
  • When we don’t work at it we fail
4 ways to help our marriage -
  1. Get transparent - open up and share your feelings and heart
  2. Get alone w/ each other- no kids or friends
  3. Get spiritual - Best thing that happened w/ Renee and I, we learned to pray together
  4. Get help - if you need help, find it
Adultery can cause devastation and a huge mess. Visualize telling your kids you cant live w/ them anymore. The respect they would lose for you. Telling your spouse who has sacrificed everything for you that you want to be w/ someone else. A person can destroy in 15 minutes what has taken a lifetime to achieve.

When we are unfaithful, God is always faithful.


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